HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER AUTISM

Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.

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williams_dad
Posts: 2970
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 6:47 am

Postby williams_dad » Sat Dec 06, 2008 9:34 pm

That's totally cool Grandma C


WD
http://spectrumsleuth.fr.yuku.com/forums/11/General/General

Grace
Posts: 3910
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2005 8:54 am

Postby Grace » Sat Dec 06, 2008 9:36 pm

TamiW wrote:
So he has two younger sisters and I have to say that they have been the best therapy for him.


I had my tubes tied/burned during the c-section due to my poor health at the time. Now after years of doing biomed on myself as well, I'm so much healthier, 33 and staring at every baby that I see and wishing I could have just one more. :lol:


Tami, tubal reversals work. :) My girl is a result of vasectomy reversal surgery. Let me know if you want to go that route.
~Blessed to be called Mama by many~

andnowtheres2
Posts: 28
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2008 9:33 pm

Postby andnowtheres2 » Thu Dec 18, 2008 9:21 am

My first born son was born in 2002 and diagnosed autistic(PDD) at 3 1/2years. Daughter was born in 2004 and we just got the educational diagnosis of Autism for her and she is 4 1/2 yrs old, it's a long story to tell you, but we've been through alot with her and still going through with her. My husband and I wanted to have more kids even before we found out about the diagnosis. We always knew we wanted 2 and it didnt matter what the sex was etc. We have learned and grown from our experience so far. When you are hit with something like this, it doesn't mean we aren't good parents. It just means that we are learning about something that no parent ever expects to have to learn about.
J 10 (NS, PDD) & K 9 (NS, PS & ASD, autism, abnormal eeg, PANDAS)

Monica3
Posts: 625
Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:48 pm

Postby Monica3 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 7:34 pm

Angel,
We couldn't try. After my only autistic kid, we were too scared to try. Sometimes i feel it is bad for him because he needs a brother or a sister. We just started DAN protocol, who knows, maybe if we see improvment, we would try again.
Last edited by Monica3 on Thu Feb 12, 2009 11:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
Thank you
Monica

Lamini
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Dec 25, 2007 11:28 pm

Postby Lamini » Fri Jan 09, 2009 12:44 am

im sure how we got autism the first time ("catch up shots"=regression"). i will learn from it (delayed shots). We have been on GFCF for over a year now. i think we're set, mostly... now to overcome the finances issue. =(.

i hope to also believe the younger kids will be her best therapists... we also fear death himself, and who will take care of her (with love).

its rough...

Rachela
Posts: 25
Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 10:04 pm

Postby Rachela » Fri Jan 09, 2009 5:56 pm

My parents didn't want any more kids after they had me, since I also have an older sister. My little brother ended up being born when I was twelve years old. He is four now.

For a bit of backround, my father and I have both been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and we think that my little brother has Asperger's as well.

Ian's mom
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Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2008 9:52 pm

Postby Ian's mom » Sun Jan 11, 2009 12:57 am

I will just say, there are no unplanned pregnancies (in the eyes of God).

I admire people who have the strength/faith/chutzpah whatever you call it to try again after having a child diagnosed with ASD/cancer/Downs syndrome or anything along that line.

We were unable to have another child. I am a cancer survivor. Also, we have a little girl in heaven. So when we had our son, we just kind of "cut our losses" and ran with our blessing.

I wish you the best in your decision-making. There is no wrong decision.
After the storm comes the rainbow.

MommyToClayton
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 10:07 pm

Postby MommyToClayton » Mon Jan 12, 2009 12:30 pm

I have another DS after having my first being the one with autism...I had my second before finding out about Clayton though. So far there are no signs whatsoever that SD#2 is on the spectrum at all. We are considering another one, but are scared as well.
Image

autismgal
Posts: 574
Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:13 pm

Postby autismgal » Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:13 pm

MommytoClayton, The photo of your son is soooo adorable. :D

mouseker
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Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:22 pm

Postby mouseker » Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:31 am

Ditto he's adorable, he has such beautiful eyes.

Kyvansmom
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Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:55 am

Postby Kyvansmom » Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:48 am

My DH and I are both from large families. We never wanted to have a large family, but I also never wanted to have an "only child". However, when I was pg with DS, it was evident that DH didn't really want any children. DS (as I'm sure you can probably relate to) was a very difficult infant. DS has gotten better, and over the last 3 years, DH has learned to love him. I used to get really baby hungry sometimes. Then I would think about the rough patches, especially when DS cried non-stop and I had no support from DH. I wasn't baby hungry anymore then. Sometimes I still get baby hungry now, but the ache isn't so strong. I realize that we (our family) are all relatively young, and there may be a time in the future when it will happen. I'm starting to adjust to the idea that if it doesn't, I have been blessed with one wonderful SN child that needs a lot of attention anyways. So that could be the way it's meant to be. I just know that I'm not going to push the issue without DH's support. It was too hard to do again. I know that if we do get pg anytime in the future, it will probably be due to some sort of divine intervention.

Rockhopper
Posts: 517
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:03 pm

Postby Rockhopper » Sat Feb 07, 2009 8:48 pm

I just don't hear people saying they wish they hadn't had their child. You have something you didn't have before: knowledge.
Last edited by Rockhopper on Mon May 09, 2016 7:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

luvpiggy
Posts: 103
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:59 pm

Postby luvpiggy » Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:44 pm

Hi all:)!

I'm new here. I'm 34 and a half, and I really want another child. My son is now eleven, and he has severe autism. It has not been easy by any means. A big issue for us is that we can not get support from our extended families, community, churches, etc. It's been horrible, and we did all that we could. Also, I'm concerned about how severely my son's autism impacted my functioning. I developed severe trauma and anxiety after his diagnosis that was coupled with other traumatic events including an F-4 tornado. It was a lot for me to experience at such a young age, and I just didn't have the coping skills, the faith, etc. I would not wish my reaction onto my worst enemy.

So, I don't feel like the best mom. I do struggle. I have gotten better over the past two years, but I am not 100%. I don't drive, and it's hard for me to stay home by myself. I have to be around other people, eventhough I consider myself an "at home" mom. I'm an at home mom that doesn't stay home! That's crazy, right? I did go back to school and earn my master's degree, and work for a while over the years, but it was just so intense that it made me develop chronic fatigue. I can't take medicine either because I'm so sensitive to side effects. I've had to do a lot of therapy, and a lot of exercise, etc. to ease my mental symptoms, fatigue, etc. The truth is also that most counselors just really don't get autism. They can try, but they just don't get how much it impacts your life.

So, I'm not 100%, but I feel my biological clock ticking. I know that it is possible to have children later, but I don't want to have them too much past this age. Just a matter of personal choice. I'm a Christian, and I've prayed so hard, and God does give me signs to try, but I'm still afraid that I'm not going to be able to "handle" the pregnancy, birth. It just made me feel like a failure when my son was diagnosed. I know it's not true, but it was just so traumatic and hard to get over. My husband is loving, but I was just in this horribly unsupportive situation where people around me in my son's school system and my extended family DID blame me:(. It really made me lose it:(.

I tried asking for support on an anxiety website and this one person said that I needed therapy because I'm obsessed about wanting another child but afraid to have one. She said I have a lot of issues that I'm not facing, and that my husband and I should go to counseling because we need to know what our "real" wants are. It made me feel really horrible. I've been in counseling for all of these years.

So, does anyone else struggle with wanting another child, but do you have lower functioning because of your other child's autism? Just curious. My husband thinks that if things go well that I will increase in my functioning. If the next child has autism, we know so much more now about diets, vaccinations, and therapies. He thinks that I can do it.

Didn't mean to hijack the thread. I just wanted some support.

Take care,
luvpiggy

rosiemom
Posts: 389
Joined: Tue May 15, 2007 2:05 pm

Postby rosiemom » Tue Feb 10, 2009 3:49 pm

I'm thinking about having another child but not for a year or so. In the meantime I'm working on some of my health issues to prepare my body to be a strong host.

I'm having the mercury removed from my teeth, then will do some chelation. I also plan on getting tested for Lyme. I've made some slight changes to my diet, have started taking some supplements and probiotics. I knew nothing about these things when I had Rosie, but she has led me in a direction that will hopefully benefit any siblings down the line. Upon having a child I will steer clear of all vaccinations, I will do things to strenghten the immune system (not attack it) I plan to breast feed and stay away from the Soy formula I regret giving to my little girl. I WILL not be bullied by an MD nor do something because our ped knows best.

My DAN is a mom of an ASD child and told us she's writing a book about preventing autism. Her first son has autism, her second son does not. She mentioned to us a study - I don't remember all the facts (looking forward to reading her book) but something to the effect of 100 families that had an ASD child then applied some biomed principles to their second born. Based on ASD statistics a very high % of the second born should have had an ASD diagnosis however ZERO children of these biomed parents developed ASD. So much for the "genetic epidemic" I so often read about. I thought that was absolutely amazing! I wish I knew more about the study to link it here but am eagerly awaiting more info.

Needless to say, as exhausting as it is parenting an ASD child I am also empowered by it. I'm a better consumer, cook, caregiver and advocate. I guess ultimately my little gal is making me a better mother - I guess her future siblings will benefit from the course she has forced me to take -EXTREME MOTHERING 101.
Mom to Rosie, 7yrs - ASD
Long Island, NY

Lamini
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Dec 25, 2007 11:28 pm

Re:

Postby Lamini » Sat May 07, 2016 6:48 pm

Lamini wrote:im sure how we got autism the first time ("catch up shots"=regression"). i will learn from it (delayed shots). We have been on GFCF for over a year now. i think we're set, mostly... now to overcome the finances issue. =(.

i hope to also believe the younger kids will be her best therapists... we also fear death himself, and who will take care of her (with love).

its rough...


Please excuse the thread resurrection. We went ahead and had another child several years ago. :D We were glad we did.

We were not glad that we waited, because of statistics. Matter of fact, her name has something to do with, hope. SHe is the best thing that has happened to us since our "A" bomb. She is so full joy, as was the one before her, before she started regressing.

To those who are hesitating, or stopped, dont let statistics stop you. Our latest now is a toddler and of course, we did not play the "catch up shots" game this time around as we've learned a thing or two the last decade about autism.

caro3lyn
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue May 10, 2016 1:43 am

Re: HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER AUTISM

Postby caro3lyn » Tue May 10, 2016 2:00 am

Dear Angel,

my partner and I were 43 when we had Nate (now 3). We started to see signs that something was not quite right with him and at age 2 years and 4 months got a diagnosis of him being on the spectrum. He is such a wonderful and loving little soul. We decided to have another child because we thought it would be great for Nate to have a little sibling. We weighed the possibility that the second child might be on the spectrum but wanted two children so badly, we went ahead and had another. His name is Noah. When Noah was born, I thought we had made a huge error. Nate did not take to Noah at all. He would get upset whenever one of us held Noah. When Noah cried, Nate cried. He wouldn't even acknowledge Noah at first. It has been 16 months. They still don't play together often - but that has more to do with their age than anything else. Noah, touch wood, does not appear to have any of the red flags of autism. We know that one day they will be best buds. Nate gives Noah a goodnight kiss before bed time. My how things have changed. I think having Noah was the best thing we could have done for Nate. Nate is flourishing in his ABA therapy. When we are long gone, Nate will still have Noah. We hope and pray Nate leans toward the "higher functioning" part of the spectrum. If he doesn't and needs help, in addition to having us (his parents), he will have Noah. I know you don't have an easy decision ahead of you. At first it might be a tough transition for your spectrum child. However, I believe it will all be worth it in the end. I hope this helps. Feel free to message me.
Take care, Carolyn

Lamini
Posts: 21
Joined: Tue Dec 25, 2007 11:28 pm

Re: HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER AUTISM

Postby Lamini » Sun Sep 04, 2016 12:51 pm

Yes, it has a, challenging road. And its only been uphill. If it wasnt getting diapers @ age of 7, eating/drinking others items in public, etc, it was something else. Yes, our hope has been nothing but of help to our angel. She surpassed her several years ago, mentally, but she is so dear, loving, even with the age difference. She even states she will take care of her when she grows up!

She was back on ABA and looking to get her back on it again (employee moved on). She made great gains last time around, though the better workers are getting harder to find.

annamariedickson
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2016 4:42 pm

Re: HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER AUTISM

Postby annamariedickson » Mon Sep 05, 2016 12:50 am

I have three boys on the spectrum...and up to last year I was sure I did not want to have any more children because of the fear of having another child with autism. I am now in a relationship with a really great guy and he has expressed that he would love to have a child with me. If I was to be honest part of my motivation to have another child is to be in a position to have a neurotypical child...I want to know what is like to raise a child that would not include speech therapy and IEP and another part of me would love to have a brother or sister for my kids that will look out for them after I leave this world. The way I figure it if I have another child and he or she is autistic...I have enough practice!
Mother of 3 autistic kids and autism advocate in parenting.

rezrez
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2016 8:13 pm

Re: HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HAVING ANOTHER CHILD AFTER AUTISM

Postby rezrez » Tue Sep 06, 2016 8:19 pm

My 2 year old son just got diagnosed with autism. Even before the diagnoses, my husband and I were going towards having no more children. Due to finances, and I had painful medical issues after giving birth. Now after the diagnoses, we are going towards not having anymore. I feel bad that my son will be the only child, I worry that he'll be lonely, but we'll do our best with socializing him as best as possible. So I understand the conflicting emotions.


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