Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.

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Postby Momma1983 » Fri Nov 13, 2015 12:55 pm

In advance, any spelling or grammar errors are due to one handed smartphone typing with newborn in the other hand :lol:

I have so many questions and no one to help share their answers...

2.5 years ago I met the love of my life. 2years of dating we both have children from previous relationships. My 9 year old and his 7 year old. We decided to merge our families this year and move in together. I knew his 7 year old has asd and it never bothered me. 7 months after living together there has been significant changes in his 7 year old behavior and personality since we met 2 years ago. My fiancee has shared custody. I have always felt that this has always had a huge negative impact to begin with due to having a hard time adjusting to routines switching parents and parenting every 2 days. (i have never voiced my opinion on this as i feel i have no say in that area) 5 months of the 7 we have had a new baby arrive which made even more behavioural problems occur. I had asked him to prepare for the new baby by perhaps buying a toy baby that cries and make noise just to see how much impact it would have. He never listened to me and now its hard to explain and help her understand why the baby cries. She never had noise sensitivity up until a year ago. She was able to take the crying the first couple months by just covering her ears but now after a panic attack we think she now gets muffs. A few incidents occurred when he was crying in the car she used his blanket and covered the babies face. After this i dont trust her around the baby nor do i want her around the baby. Question1: Is this feeling wrong? She also expresses in words she does not like the baby. She does not love the baby. Question 2: should this worry us? Dad seems to think not and claims she doesn't know what shes saying but i disagree. She is pretty good about expressing what she doesn't like in all aspects. We fight almost all the time because its stressful for all of us. I dont want to hush my baby from crying all the time. Or get used to being picked up instantly when he crys.(im a big believer that babies need to cry sometimes.) Because when she's not around he will and already has gotten used to it and i cant get any of my things done. Question 3 any suggestions? (other than dont let baby cry)

Also curious if anyone has noticed dramatic changes in their child with asd

Sweet and manageable to behavioural changes tantrums hitting?
Are these stages? Will she possibly get worse? Is their a chance she may start hitting the baby? Has anyone experienced this?

I feel completely left out when it comes to any help/ resources my fiancee and his ex get for trying to understand/learn from school psychologists and therapists. She is now apart of my life as well but he never includes me. Any inputs or stories with resolutions would be helpful. Also answers to my questions would be appreciated with your input!

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Re: Help

Postby Santosg » Wed Nov 18, 2015 2:50 am

I'm sorry that you're facing a difficult situation. I can't say that I have heard of cases of people suddenly having sound sensitivity where it did not exist. I think the biggest problem that you all face, as a family and as individuals, is labeling all of her behavior within the autism window. I think that she operates within a box that gives her an excuse for her behavior. Suddenly developing sound sensitivity being a case in point. I think it is as likely that she feels she's losing power and position within the house and this is her way of regaining control. Again, this is typical behavior--though it manifests in its own particular way because of her autism.

First, as a mother your job is to protect your baby from harm. Don't leave her allow with the baby. It is not a matter of whether she would do something, but its never worth doing.

Secondly, give her power in a different way, a way of affirming her place in the house. Find ways to link her identity with that of the baby in positive ways. Show her videos of big sisters. Give her an ideal to work towards.

Thirdly, when she is upset about the crying try to deflect her attention or ask her to help calm the baby. But tell her that babies cry. She cried. But don't let her fall into a pattern of making it seem that the world is falling apart.

Fourth, you should not even bother asking about getting her a doll....for instance, just do it. If her mother has a problem with it, that's her issue. Unless you are administering a form of discipline that is questionable, being abusive, or undermining her parents authority you're a part of her life and you are responsible for helping her adapt to her world.

Unless her behavior has turned violent or uncontrollable---and requires professional evaluation--I think you can simply treat this as a transition period that she has and will successfully adapt to.

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Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2015 8:25 am

Re: Help

Postby swalton » Mon Nov 23, 2015 9:00 am

I completely agree with Santosg. The girl's behavior is not necessarily the autism; it's a typical reaction to the situation colored by the autism.
Great advice!

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