Twins: autistic and nuerotypical

Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.

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Twins: autistic and nuerotypical

Postby Mamaandthelittles » Thu Dec 01, 2016 11:38 am

Hi all,
This is my first post and I'm typing this in a time in which I'm desperate for help. I have 2.5 year old boy/girl twins. My son, Oliver, was diagnosed with level two autism almost six months ago. My daughter, Emma, is neurotypical and rather advanced (especially in regards to emotions) for her age. We have been struggling lately because I don't feel as if I'm being fair to either one of them in this process. Oliver is currently in OT, SP, and ABA. His schedule is crazy and it's been an adjustment to say the least. We're doing in home and in facility therapies. While the therapies seem to be helping Oliver in some regard, it has also set us back in a lot of ways. My issue is knowing what I can do for both to be fair for both. They are very attached to each other, Emma being the only other child he will interact with because twins are awesome. But with this schedule and all the therapies we are divided. Oliver seems flustered at the fact that I have to leave him at the facility for ABA. They have a protocol that does not allow families to stay due to HIPPA violations. And Emma seems upset that she's not allowed to play wth Ollie and all the cool toys. He has had a harder time transitioning, which because Emma comes with us (we don't have the option for her to stay home while I drop Oliver off) she sees his reactions and isn't understanding. She's now acting out as soon as we walk in the door because A. These places are all about Ollie. And B because she's seeing these places as bad because Ollie cries. She constantly talks about Ollie, and only Ollie, especially on days we have a hard transition. We have four hours alone on certain days of the week where I try to make it all about her but once we pick up Ollie, she acts out, theyfight for my attention, and I'm left wondering if I'm doing any good for anyone. I have plenty of friends with children wth autism but none that have twins or have the same issues and I'm feeling like I'm drowning, hoping for someone to come along with a similar story for me to connect with and find out how in the world they do it. Because right now, I'm doing all I can and I still feel like it's not enough. Are there any other parents in the same boat?

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Re: Twins: autistic and nuerotypical

Postby Echi » Sat Dec 03, 2016 10:25 am

I also have boy girl twins that are 20 months old. My daughter was recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and her brother is very advanced both socially emotionally and his cognitive development so I am in a similar situation as you. My daughter will be starting ABA for 10 hours a week plus speech and OT. This is all new to us so we have to see how it goes. If all goes well we will increase to 20-25 hours a week of ABA.

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Re: Twins: autistic and nuerotypical

Postby autistic19 » Sat Dec 03, 2016 12:35 pm

I'm not a parent, so I don't have any advice on that front. But it sounds like you're trying to make the best of a difficult situation which I admire. I'm autistic and the youngest child in the family, but it was hard on one of my older sisters that I seemed to get more attention from my parents. But now that she's grown up, she's realized the reason why I needed more time from mom and dad, and she doesn't feel like she was neglected in any way, even though I got more time. Maybe it might help to think of it this way. In you have an infant and an older child, the infant will probably be given a little more of your time, but remember, this doesn't mean the the older child is getting any less of your love and care.Just my thoughts as someone who's not a parent, so I be off, but I'm just speaking from what happened with my older sister and me.

Mamaandthelittles wrote:Oliver seems flustered at the fact that I have to leave him at the facility for ABA. They have a protocol that does not allow families to stay due to HIPPA violations.

I do want to comment on this. This isn't true. HIPAA has to do with disclosing protected medical information. Since your son is minor you have access to all his medical records and so you seeing what is happening to your son during ABA is not a violation of HIPAA. ... -to-minors There may be some other reason for them not wanting you to be there during ABA sessions, but it's not because of HIPAA.
I personally wouldn't leave your son alone for ABA. ABA done wrong can potentially cause a lot of harm. There are accounts of parents who wish they had been with their children during ABA so they could have prevented the trauma. I'm not saying this is what is necessarily happening with your son. Everything could be fine. But I personally would want to be there.
I'm an autistic studying special ed., here to learn about autism from a parent's perspective.

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Re: Twins: autistic and nuerotypical

Postby jaumeb » Sun Dec 04, 2016 1:24 pm

It is my opinion that the right diet and emotional well being are the two most important aspects in the management of autism.

Stressful schedules or separation trauma are not good for an autistic kid, I think. As I see it, the most important part is that he is happy and the rest of the family is happy. An autistic kid will do much better in a relaxed, joyful atmosfere. His sister will have infinite love and patience to teach him. I imagine that it would be very good that the twins had lots of time to spend together.

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