I hope this is the right place to post this.
I am a neurotypical person who is trying my best to be understanding of autism to the fullest extent. My best understanding is my sister who is diagnosed on the spectrum (diagnosed at age 22), but is very high functioning. She is lucky enough to be able to be fully independent.
I come here because my partner is a girl who I love, and wish to marry, and her brother is on the spectrum diagnosed (age 2), and is much lower functioning than my sister. He is a very smart 24 year old, and a beautiful person, and at the moment his mother and father take care of him in terms of making him meals, and providing for him. He has tried to go to college and work a job, but neither worked out, it is very tough for him.
I am looking for advice from people who have had experience with finding individual living arrangements for someone on the spectrum. My partner's parents had originally planned for my partner to take care of her brother. She has decided she does not want to do this and wishes to have freedom to be an individual and live her life. She does not want children or responsibility of children. I also have epilepsy and other severe health problems, and do not want the responsibility of being the caretaker of someone else's child.
So both my partner and I, with all due respect do not want to be the caretaker of her brother, as much as we love him, we want to live individually and alone with each other. Her parents also have said they do not want to make her be her brother's caretaker, but are not necessarily sure what to do about it.
The problem is, they have not started to plan very much. They do not like to go on forums like this and do not look things up on the computer very much. They are not sure what to do and not sure where to find resources. My partner says they need our help to find out what to do, so here I am looking for what to do, I want so badly to help our relationship and her family who has expressed the need for help finding solutions.
Her parents seem like they don't want to plan too much. It is very hard for them to talk about their son's future, which I understand, this must be extremely hard for them. I will never know what it is like to have a child with autism. But I think we all need to work together, with her brother too, to make sure he is happy. Forgetting about his future is no help. We need to plan for him to have a happy and comfortable future. We cannot forget about him. And his parents will not live forever.
If the parents do not ever formulate a plan for their son, and eventually pass, what are the options for their son?
We have talked to him (her brother). He wants more independence, and says it is hard to get independance at home, because his parents often do "everything for him".
My partner and I want to work with the parents, and with her brother to find a way and a solution for everyone to be comfortable as possible, and to be fair to everyone.
If the parents do not arrange a living situation for their son and my partner and I have to, what are our options financially? What can we do? Is there government assistance?
I guess I'm just wondering, what do most people do in this situation?
Do people pay out of pocket for living arrangements?
Her parents don't have a lot of money, and we will have some money, but not nearly enough to pay out of pocket, and we also feel that our money belongs to us, with all due respect. But we truly want her brother to be comfortable and happy, and that's why we have talked to him to see what he wants.
Whether her parents arrange a living situation, or we do,
How do we do it, and who pays for a person with autism to live in a housing situation?
Thank you so much for all of your help in advance.
I hope I haven't been disrespectful in any way.
I want to help her parents, make sure my partner and I are happy, and also make sure that her brother is comfortable and happy for the future.
Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.
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