I believe my 3 year old son has Autism

Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.

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I believe my 3 year old son has Autism

Postby Dreklie » Thu May 04, 2017 12:09 am

He has been tested by an expert through first steps and passed the exam, but failed the questionnaire. He does the typical "hand-flap" as they call it, even though to me it looks more like grabbing air when he's excited, he jumps constantly and is always rocking or moving something, he cries randomly for absolutely NO reason, he does not understand basic commands but knows his alphabet, about 15 colors, can count to 34, and knows a lot of food (mainly fruits). He knows snack, bye bye, bite bite, jump, swim, basic one word commands but doesn't seem to understand at all when you say "Go to your room and get me the ball".

It has been a very, very long 3 years for me and mom, and sometimes we lose our patience and that is not ok. I feel so horrible when I lose my patience with him and need to remove myself from his presence when he is upset, I really want to help him and we have had an OT and speech therapist working with him for the last 6 months, and he starts pre-school in August.

I am mainly here for suggestions, or moral support, anything honestly. I know my little guy is going through so much and there is so much going on in his head, but it is really starting to take a toll on my and mama. He still doesn't sleep well either, which doesn't help anything. We feel like such horrible parents when he gets upset and we get on him or just completely lose it and yell at him, I am being very open and honest and I understand yelling will not help him so please don't judge, I beat myself up everytime I lose my temper with him. I just do not know what else to do.

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Joined: Fri May 05, 2017 4:46 pm

Re: I believe my 3 year old son has Autism

Postby denanden » Fri May 05, 2017 5:04 pm


I understand all your concerns, I personally went through the same thing, although i was the kid. My best advice is keep fighting and seek help from the outside world. I know it's not always easy and there will be ups and downs but it'll be better.

When i was a kid, my mom fought for years and watched me suffer, and she suffered too of course. But she held on, got help and i got better. I got into a school for kids with "special needs" (basically autism). And it helped so much that i today am able to live regularly and even help others who are going through, what we went through back then. Anyways, hang on and get help, even if your son doesn't have autism, there are plenty of psychiatrists out there both for children and for adults, and i know it feels like defeat at first but 1. it helps both you and your son 2. It'll make you feel like you're doing something to help. My mom always told me that the worst thing was not being able to help, so do what you can to make it at least feel like you're doing something to help, for your own sake. Because under any circumstances your love and support will be the one thing to help him the most. Take it from a kid who went through a lifetime of problems in only 10 years, to help your son, you have to be strong for him, and not bend. It'll be worth it in the end.

I know that i can't know for sure how your son is, and to what degree his autism shows. And it might not even be close to my own experience, but i hope my little story/moral support/weird mix at least made you feel a bit better.

B.L. Pike
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Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:29 am

Re: I believe my 3 year old son has Autism

Postby B.L. Pike » Sat May 06, 2017 1:41 pm

Dreklie, losing our patience with our kids is hard on everyone, sure. But beating yourself up is probably even more damaging. Why not just tell him you're sorry? Parenting is intrinsically frustrating and no parent makes it through unscathed--autism has nothing to do with it. What you want for your son is for him to be both forgiving and forgiven as he moves through life, so: time to start modeling that behavior. Ask his forgiveness for your own impatience, and then forgive yourself as well. That gives you both a refreshed new start.

And In response to your own honesty and openness, let me add that there are plenty of opportunities for us to forgive our kids as well. Like any other human, our kids with autism are not always guiltless, and assuming their "disability" makes them so is bound to frustrate everyone further. You're still the parent, and your responsibility to lead your son gently and surely is no less because autism is part of the equation. Every kid in the world is different, so we do need to flex, but we sure don't need to bash ourselves.

You're his Dad, and you're definitely up for the job. Amazing challenge--enjoy it!

Dr. Krakouer
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Joined: Mon May 01, 2017 8:58 am

Re: I believe my 3 year old son has Autism

Postby Dr. Krakouer » Mon May 08, 2017 9:07 am

Greetings Dreklie,
Having read your post regarding losing your self control, certainly it is scary scenario and one that can lead you into a frequently traveled pathway and also one that you may never have intentionally wanted to enter, especially where violence becomes an option. I want you to know Dreklie that you are not alone. Your feelings of being overwhelmed by frustration and anxiety are frequently expressed by parents who are challenged by a situation they are not familiar with. My suggestion is to use what I called "the window of clarity". Picture yourself stepping back away from the situation that you are currently being confronted with as though you are simply an observer looking through a window. You must distance yourself from your emotions and the whirlpool of emotions that are sucking you and your wife into the problem. Look at the situation objectively do not let your emotions take control, rather you must stay in control. If you feel you are losing control then please turn around and walk away. Cool down, it will pass. Happy to talk further. Best Dr Krakouer

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