Dating a Man with Autistic Son

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lafemmek
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Joined: Thu May 04, 2017 8:26 am

Dating a Man with Autistic Son

Postby lafemmek » Thu May 04, 2017 8:35 am

I have been dating a wonderful man for five months, with an 8 year old Autistic son. I've done research on Autism as much as I can and have experienced through this relationship what I can expect.

(Little back story): My Boyfriend and I were friends prior to him having a child. His son's mother (boyfriend's ex) left them when his son was only a toddler and she rarely sees her son. She will see him about two or three times a month for a few hours. My boyfriend has been alone for six years since she left and we recently found eachother. I have a three year old son and I have been divorced. I absolutely love his autistic son so much; I feel so blessed to know him as he is so filled with love and I am amazed by him everyday. However, I have come across some interesting issues I've not experienced before in a relationship:

First, my boyfriend and I rarely have any alone time together. My own son sees his father a few times a week so I do get that alone time, but my boyfriend's ex never comes around, or purposefully stays away so that we do not get time together. Sounds terrible, and I hate to say it, but she has been manipulative. We can make plans to go out of town (for the day) a few weeks in advance, and she just won't show to watch her son- then my boyfriend and I won't have that time together.

We don't get much time to be intimate, either, as my boyfriend's son has to be in his own bed/home at a specific time each night. My boyfriend sleeps with his son (as I sleep with mine). But like I mentioned, we don't get any focused, intimate time, or sleepovers, like one might expect in a relationship. I can't sleep over there, and we've tried staying over at my house and it was a sleepless night as his son was deeply upset about not being in his own home.

Last, we don't really get to do too many things, together, that I like to do, like go to beach, have picnics, spend a weekend away, because his son does not want to. My boyfriend doesn't have any family that can babysit, and even when I watch his son, his son is really only happy for about one hour before he starts to cry and ask for his dad.

I can't help but feel a little lonely, maybe a little 'longing'. I do love those things I mentioned before, like going to the beach/sharing a bed together and am worried my own wants may not ever come to be. And doing those things are how I feel happy, and excited. And I can do those things by myself, but I wish we could do them together.

I am wondering how I can be 'Ok' with these things...I have read it doesn't get any easier. I'm wondering if I should join in some kind of support group? I know it may sound like I am only complaining, I am just trying to really see the good in all this. I've spoken to my boyfriend about this and he understands and wishes for the same things, but just doesn't have the way to make these things come true for us without the help that might come from his son's mother or family.

My boyfriend and his son are so wonderful...I just want to think about how I can adapt to something that I have not experienced before. We are planning on moving in together this year as well, as if that would give us more time together...as if that might 'solve' some of our issues.

Thank you for listening.

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