Please give me some advice

Discuss getting a diagnosis, educational help & electronic devices and apps for autism.

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Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:08 pm

Please give me some advice

Postby bd30938 » Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:45 pm

Hi all,

I am a father of a son with autism, he is 8 years old and non-verbal.
We tried everything we could but he has not made progress towards speaking.
His mother has grown very frustrated and we have constant battles at home, and have not been on talking terms for years now.
She stays at home with him and I go to work during the day.
We have talked of getting divorced and she says she will leave us and then I have to take care of him.
As much as I love my son, if I have to take care of him I would not be able to hold on to a job.
The main problem is I cannot leave him in the care of someone while I work, because if someone mistreats him, he will not be able to tell me about it.
If I really have to take care of him by myself, what are my options?
I dont want to simply drop him off at a school where they go through the motions and he doesnt learn anything.
I can spend some money for quality learning at home if needed, but how would I ensure his safety at home with a caretaker or teacher, and still be able to go to work? We dont have any extended family who are healthy enough that we can count on for this.
Can you please give me some advice? I am very worried about this.

Thank you in advance for your help...

Posts: 105
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:59 pm

Re: Please give me some advice

Postby luvpiggy » Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:37 pm


You are most certainly in a difficult situation. You are correct that it is very difficult to find quality care and help for your son, but please keep in mind that it is not impossible. Depending on where you live, you may qualify for certain services even paid for by your state for respite care, behavioral therapists, home and community rehabilitation aides, etc. who can come to your home and help with your child. In addition, there are things that you can do such as "nanny" cams, coming home earlier than expected at times to check on the person who cares for your non verbal child. As far as educational options, it is difficult but schools do exist that do not just "go through the motions". I am not saying it is not difficult, but good school staff and good schools do exist. In your situation, it sounds like some flexibility may be needed where it is not so "all or nothing". I can see why both you and your wife feel an extremely severe amount of stress with no help whatsoever besides the two of you caring and teaching your son.

In our situation, we too have no extended family who are healthy enough to take care of our son. Several years ago, we found our son in a terrible situation when all the good staff at our son's school basically left at the same time, and they were replaced with staff that we knew had histories of being abusive and also the staff were allowing our son to elope repeatedly outside of the classroom. We had no choice but to pull our son out of school and only have home bound instructional services which was at most only three hours weekly with no additional speech, OT, etc. We thought it was the worst time of our lives, and I, my son's mother was the only one at home with him because my husband had to work. In our situation, we did the best we could to move to another area of the country that appeared to have multiple schools for autism, medicaid not based on income, what is known as wrap around services to send therapeutic support staff to the home, home health care aide services for the home, and also waiver services. There are times where it was the best decision we ever made, but I'll agree with you that the quality of the schools, and the home help can definitely be lacking. We just had to know that we had options. Right now our son is in a great school. Unfortunately, he is not doing well with his health and that is making him more aggressive and self injurious. :( Anyway, if he didn't have school right now, we would be in an even more horrible situation.

Again, I feel for the stress both you and your wife are enduring-feeling that you have no options but the two of you to help with your son. Maybe reach out to some social service agencies, the educational system, etc., just look in your community to see what options are available if the worst case scenario happen.

Take care,


Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2017 10:08 pm

Re: Please give me some advice

Postby bd30938 » Tue Oct 31, 2017 11:18 pm

Thank you for your reply.
We are talking with some folks to get some help for my wife.
It is intolerable to live with someone who verbally attacks me every day,
but with the threat of abandonment there does not seem to be much choice at this time.

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