I need an attachment trauma the therapist, and here is my email:
My name is Philip Carpenter of Shelton, Washington--unemployed, thirty-nine years young.
I could bore you with my many trials 'n tribulations, but as you can see from my blog (unthawedfury.wordpress.com) I have Adult Developmental/Attachment Trauma symptoms in the Preoccupied/Ambivalent style, but in any case, I'm seeking to learn if Somatic Experiencing can at least cure my main dissociation symptom, emotional numbness but genuine--expert--attachment-based therapists capable of genuine neural resets are as rare as rain is plentiful, where I live.
I know the benefits of simply a regular therapist, one you click with, and I have one, but that's not the same as one that can help with a neural reset. Before Somatic Experiencing, I have tried things as diverse as hypnosis, meditation/breathwork, Trauma Release Exercises, EEG neurofeedback, hyperthermia, EMDR, and and dieting--but that's not not even counting the other therapies I've attempted to try, but wasn't able to--like individual emotion-focused therapy, Cranial-sacral, CBT, CIMBS, and Laurence Heller's NARM, as well as other groups, like Asperger Experts. Hypnosis hasn't really worked for me since I shutdown, nor has breathwork, and for a lot of these other things, such as Trauma Release, I only wish I'd known them when I was younger, given they'd probably work better on me hyperaroused, instead of hypo. Hyperthermia at minimum is fun, and EMDR and neurofeedback both made a real impact, but dieting, namely eating better, and supplementation--did the most, eliminating brain fog, and all remaining traces of chronic fatigue, and panic attacks. I may still be shutdown, but I can at least "shift gears," up till this last year, I've not been able to do so in my entire life.
As for numbness, I wish had a book solely focusing on it. given how "numbness" been variously dubbed as being emotionally frozen, emotionally numb, emotionally blunting, a chronic “freeze response,” “flatlining”–dissociated, learned helplessness, collapsed, apathy, repressed anger, alexithymia, anhedonia, hypoactive, and, I’m sure, more. I just feel little drive, passion--and a lack of endorphins, but whatever you call it, there’s just blame little literature upon the subject--as much as I'm trying to follow it.
As is, I've read books by Peter Levine and Dr. Heller, with Heller pointedly saying that the only way to escape the frozen state is --and I kid you not--an "aggression response," but the trouble is, most therapists aren't prepared to deal, and if you are, please speak out. If you read the literature on attachment trauma, you'd know "forgiveness 'n mercy" doesn't resolve the trauma, but I know from over ten years' bitter experience that most talk therapists don't get, what instinct and my recent education into attachment trauma confirmed. Somatic Experiencing is the only alternative to an aggression response I know of, but I am more than willing to commit to either method---trouble is, I have no one to help me implement either method, effectively, and any situation where the patient knows more about the treatment than the therapist is hardly ideal, ain't it?
I worked briefly with a Somatic Experiencing therapist, and had some interesting results, but she moved away, before we could follow up. I got into a trance with her twice (something I've not been able to do with hypnosis of late), and each time, my left arm tensed up, like it belonged to the Hulk, which is interesting, because that is the arm I use to strike into my left palm, when stressed, but neither time was cathartic, and as I said, the sessions were discontinued.
I have tried to find another Somatic Experiencing therapist within the Greater Puget Sound, and failed, so I am now looking further afield, to someone available, over Skype (that or else an equivalent thereof); my reasoning should speak for itself, but if not, just go to the Traumahealing.org directory, punch in Washington State, enter a 98584 area code, and you tell me if there aren't just three practitioners within fifty-mile radius (yes, I've called 'em, each). I'm seeking a therapist, S. E. student, or something--over Skype, or some other equivalent, causing me even to check into the EMDR community, given I hear there's a bit of an overlap, so if you're an EMDR therapist that knows nothing about Somatic Experiencing, here's why I bothered ye--please forgive.
As is, I've only recently been able to talk with a true Attachment Trauma/Somatic Experiencing expert in Beverly Kune, based in New Mexico, and she said she could not Skype me, per certain rules, which I only hope are local, given she seemed to truly understand my attachment issues, both intellectually, and emotionally, which in almost a year of looking, I know to be an all-too-rare combo.
You're probably thinking I've been too specific, and probably you're also wondering why I've not tried the list of Psychology Today therapists (as well as Somatic Transformation, Sidran, Open Path Collective, Emdria, the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute, the International Institute for Traumatic Stress Studies, the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation, attachmenttraumanetwork.org, GoodTherapy.org, Sharon Stanley's Somatic Transformation referrals, and Diane Poole Heller's directory) in my area, but oh yes-- I have; I emailed EVERY "attachment-based" therapist listed on the first twenty pages Psychology Today emanating from a 98584 area code, so that that tree is shook. Psychology Today also has a nice category of Somatic therapists, but not SE ones, so it is hunt 'n peck, and I've not found a single suitable one there either, though I have wasted time 'n money on a couple other Somatics from other modalities, plus local areas like Washington State's Behavioral Health Resources (BHR), but to sadly lackluster results. (What can I say--I've tried!)
I'm still looking in my area, and talking direct to Traumahealing.org, but that is why I've been casting my net further afield, and if you have some other suggestion, like calling up Medicare (yeah, I've likely done that, too)--I've done my due diligence and if you at least know of someone not yourself that can help, by all means, please notify, and that means any old therapist that that's ready to help facilitate my aggression response--both actively, and passively. I've called some of you multiple times, given you're on multiple lists, so if you've heard from me before, please forgive--I'm not spamming, I just haven't found an affordable, available therapist yet-- despite having at least contacted well over six hundred of you.
I believe I've pursued help with both focus, and flexibility; if you're within fifty (maybe more) miles, believe me, I'll find a way to reach yas, so pray don't excuse yourself because it'd be "difficult" fro me to get there, because I don't care; I've been turned down by several doctors I wanted to see, really thought they could help, based on their assumptions about me, and not my own, which is just about the biggest face slap you you can muster. I'll be the judge of whether you're worth seeing, and if you're affordable, and I can get to you, that's all that matters.
But that said, it does bring up cost. Medicare/Medicaid entitles me to any registered psychologist, psychiatrist, or social worker, but other than that, I be on my own. I know by experience that most of you charge over $100 a session, but I simply cannot afford that, and even if I did splurge on such a pricey affair, I'd never be able to follow it up, which is what is generally needed. After rent, internet, and phone, I've got $200 budget effectively, and any sustained therapy would not be feasible, as you can imagine. Public healthcare aside, it would need to be a steep reduced rate, and I can only pay like $25-40 a session out of pocket.
And lastly, I know a lot of you Somatic Experiencers and the like are booked to the gills, and have waiting lists; if so, put me on it. Like I said, I'm willing to Skype, and also, if need be, I'm willing to travel outside the Sound to get help--and that means living out of a Salvation Army in a strange town, if I must.
Sincerely, Philip Brock Carpenter
Discuss autism diets and biomedical treatments of autism.
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