PERFECT TARGETS by Rebekah Heinrichs -about bullying

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b's mom
Posts: 370
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 12:30 am

PERFECT TARGETS by Rebekah Heinrichs -about bullying

Postby b's mom » Mon Nov 20, 2006 1:00 am

PEFECT TARGETS by REBEKAH HEINRICHS MSN, Ms, Ed
http://www.aspergerinformation.org/

This in a MUST HAVE for parents of children with Asperger's, HF autism, PDD NOS. :D

It's about bullying. This is a hit home topic for me. We've had some pretty rough times. I realize that the more you read and understand, the better you can help your school understand because they REALLY DON'T. I always assumed they did and that was a huge mistake. Now things are getting on the right track and it's really because I've learned so much about asperger's and bullying through this book.

If your child has been lucky so far to not have to deal with bullying, you still should read this book so your prepared when it does happen. I didn't think it would for our son but here we are...

I'll never forget when our son was diagnosed and the autism specialist asked us if the kids get along with him. Oh we went on about how he's so popular and the kids really like him.... She put down her pen, turned to us and said very clearly, "for now."

She was right. It didn't take long too for her to be sooo right. I found I had a terrible time with our school in dealing with the bullying too and I'm still working out some issues that I think we might not have had to deal with had I read this book first. Still the book and this author are amazing and have helped my son tremendously.

We had so much trouble with our school that I brought our son to a psychologist for help. It was at that time (inbetween visists) that I found another forum that recommended "Perfect Targets" by Rebekah Heinrichs. I thought the book was awesome. I cried and kept knodding my head.. It really hit home. I brought it to the next visit. Our psychologist was so impressed with the book that she told us to get extra copies for the school and tell them SHE recommends it. This is a very acredited psycholoigst in the field with personal ties to autism. I knew we were on the right track.

The author has a forum on her website and SHE WILL RESPOND TO YOU HERSELF if you have any questions. I found her to be one of the most caring individuals.

Here's the site (you could purchase the book at her website, Amazon and other book stores as well):
PEFECT TARGETS by REBEKAH HEINRICHS MSN, Ms, Ed
http://www.aspergerinformation.org/
B, 10, AS
LMB Bell V/V & OCN, pragmatic lang, fiber, vits, avoid gluten, Nord Nat omega 3-6-9.

Dana
Posts: 2778
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2005 4:22 pm

Postby Dana » Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:24 pm

Hey Audrey,

Long time no post LOL!! I am so sorry to hear about the struggles with school and the bully situation. We are finding ourselves entering this arena as well with our 12 year old so you have PERFECT timing with this book recommendation. Thank you so much for sharing the book information and even more, thank you for sharing your knowledge and helping others. I really appreciate it, take care hon, Dana :wink:

(P.S. Can I send you an email?)
Dana

williams_dad
Posts: 2968
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 6:47 am

Postby williams_dad » Thu Nov 23, 2006 5:52 am

We will have to get that book too

we were homeschooling all our lot
but in July this year we put some in a small private school
well we pulled them all out
just last week

and the issue
bullying
and the school didn't want to even acknowledge the problem


HA !!
so much for socialisation
back to homeschooling for us

WD

b's mom
Posts: 370
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 12:30 am

Postby b's mom » Mon Nov 27, 2006 12:21 pm

Hi Dana!
Email me! I want to know what's going on. If there's anything I can do to help, I'm here! (HUG)

WD,
I'm so sorry you had that experience. The thing is that most schools don't see our children as having a real issue. It's funny because they understand educational goals not being met but really lose it with the social. That's why you need social goals in an IEP. This was something I never thought of before. Our kids look so 'normal' and I can't state that enough. They don't look like they can't really understand what's going on. Then you have them bursting out with words that are completely inappropriate and the teachers can get pretty upset with them. To add to that, our kids behaving pretty well at home because they aren't as stressed out so it's sometimes hard to believe what the school is telling us. My son says, "I hate you" to his teacher the other week. Since I read the book, I believe her. Since she read the book and she knew he didn't mean it -he really meant 'this is a lot of stress on me because I have trouble with it and I don't like that you told me I have to do it'. Last year they would have called me and made a huge issue out of it. This year they give him a check mark, write it down for me to read and I talked with him on it for a min or two. It's an issue but not overblown. WE (teachers and family) can handle this.

What took me so long I don't know but I finally understand that all these issues are connected. If you have teachers that don't understand your child, can you imagine how they feel when they are disrespected by your child. Now imagine what they think when a child accuses yours of an incident. Add to that that your child may have trouble speaking up, especially during stressful situations (probably mumbles, takes too long to process). AND what if your having trouble trusting your school because your child doesn't do at home what he does there? Also, there's NOTHING in and IEP on social issues, nothing to hold the school to addressing this? What a mess.

Last year he was blamed for something another child did. I kid you not. They called me and said, "Pete grabbed Todd and we believe your son directed Pete to do so." I almost lost it on the phone. Actually as I recall, I did lose it. I raised my voice and said, "you have GOT to be kidding me. You didn't even hear what was going on. How could you blame my son for something another child did?" My son was blamed for EVERYTHING. It didn't matter after a while. I'd call and was told, "yes and remember his perception." This was to explain anything my son said may have happened. He was either to blame or it was his perception if he blamed. Thank goodness our psychologist made it clear to them, "his perception is PERFECT." At least I had her and this author who helped us through these awful times.

This year we have a new social worker and it's helped. We also asked for them to read this book and I believe that is key. It really opens your eyes to aspergers.

To anyone who's having trouble, my advise is to stay cool at all times with the school. If you already lost it, just regain your composure. We have to be stronger than all the rest to get through this. The key thing to do: Stick to what will help your child. That's it. When you talk to the school, avoid blaming and all the details of this or that. Give ideas on what to do and information to educate the school. I'd give them a copy of this book for sure. It has IEP goals for bullying too. That was EXTREMELY HELPFUL!

It's not near over for us. We did a lot wrong last year. We are trying to do the right thing and it's been helping. I think too that these bullies enjoy seeing the whole family get stressed. It's a high for them. So the more we stay cool, the less this gives the bully pleasure. Stick to what helps your child and to heck with the rest!

(hugs to all)
Audrey
B, 10, AS

LMB Bell V/V & OCN, pragmatic lang, fiber, vits, avoid gluten, Nord Nat omega 3-6-9.

MCA
Posts: 2124
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:21 pm

Postby MCA » Sat Dec 02, 2006 12:19 pm

Audrey, I really appreciate you posting this book and for your advice. Our daughter just received an aspergers diagnosis and I'm a bit at a loss. :( I'll read it when I get my head together. Thank you.

Before I purchase the book, is there anything else on that site you'd recommend?

Thanks.

PS Amazon has it for cheaper :)

liz
Posts: 168
Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2005 8:47 pm

Postby liz » Sun Dec 03, 2006 11:56 pm

I just checked on ebay. It's selling for $12.36

Liz

b's mom
Posts: 370
Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2005 12:30 am

Postby b's mom » Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:37 pm

MCA,
I just now saw your post. OH! I wish I kept track better. Sorry I didn't see this until now. :(

Rebekah Heinrichs highly recommends the book, "Your Going To Love This Kid." I keep meaning to read it but I just haven't had the chance yet. I had it on hold at the library and then they had to let it go. I waited too long. :( I should just buy it since I trust Rebekah's opinion. She's a very good person who's helped me out personally a few times now with Bobby's bullying issues.

Now Rebekah recommended this book when I contacted her last about some things that happened at school. She's pretty convinced (as was our psychologist last year) that our school really doesn't understand asperger's. I think this other book she suggested is to help the school understand our children. If anyone has already read it, I'd love to hear about it! :)

There's something that I want to add that occurred to me a while ago. Authors of books on bullying often point out that it doesn't help when you talk to the bully's parents. I always wondered about that. I had an idea of why and now, after all the things we've been through, I think I understand... Usually the parents of the bully are encouraging the child's behavior (intentionally or not) and that's why it's NEVER, EVER a good idea to confront the bully's parents EVER! I also leanred that the school staff (mainly the social worker and Principal) can make or break a situation at school. If you ever find yourself getting nowhere with the school, it's time for a change -either the social worker (if that's possible), the school, or the advocate (hire someone if you can afford to). If status quo isn't working, change something.

(hug)
b's mom :)
B, 10, AS

LMB Bell V/V & OCN, pragmatic lang, fiber, vits, avoid gluten, Nord Nat omega 3-6-9.


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